The Weight of The Wait
WINTER 2024
Estragon: Let’s go.
Vladimir: We can’t.
Estragon: Why not?
Vladimir: We’re waiting for Godot.
— Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot
And so it begins…
The application files all have been uploaded; the standardized tests, all scored and done. The personal statements and essays and recommendations have all been submitted…
And now comes the hardest part of all: The waiting period.
For many, the wait to hear back from colleges is fraught with anxious days and sleepless nights. Students find themselves thrust in a strange kind of bardo, neither here nor there, and life—or fate—seems to hang in the balance.
Enduring the wait to hear from colleges is like shouldering a huge weight—and the burden is a heavy one, especially in this age of social media, when peers announce acceptances with just one click of a button, and the stream of alerts on our phones only exacerbate the tension. Shouldering the “weight of the wait,” students are more vulnerable than ever to self-doubt and depression.
Years ago, I overheard an exchange between two high school seniors, in which one confided to the other, “If I don’t get into a highly-ranked college, my life is over.” On hearing those words, I felt my stomach contort into a knot. At the time, my own daughter was in the thick of preparing her applications, and the idea that my beloved child might stake her entire self-worth on the whims of some faceless admissions officer was, quite frankly, more than I could bear. I told myself, then and there, that if my daughter ever suffered from this level of desperation, I’d failed as a parent. I wanted her to enjoy her last semester in high school, and face whatever the future held for her with equanimity and grace.
Sounds easy, right? But that’s the thing: It’s not.
Recently, I asked some of my former clients to share their insights: How had they handled the tenuous waiting period? Did they have advice to share? Any strategies?
Interestingly, the majority touched on the importance of spending time with friends. “The thing that kept me busy,” one former client wrote, “was nourishing all my lifelong best friendships. I would definitely tell seniors in their last semester to spend time with friends.”
Conversely, one client expressed remorse over not spending more time with friends, writing, “It took me way too long to realize that high school was ending. I now regret not spending time with my friends in the final stretch.”
Several students used the waiting period to try their hand at new activities. “One friend started fishing,” wrote one former advisee in response to my query. “I guess you could say college applications are a bit like fishing! You try, and see what you get.”
How true, I thought! And like fishermen, while we may not have control over the final outcome, we can control the quality of the bait on our hooks, and be shrewd about where in the water to place them!
Another client adopted a more philosophical mindset. “If I started stressing out,” he replied, “I’d just repeat to myself, I will end up where I need to be.” He added, “Trust yourself. And trust the admission officers to have the foresight to know where you’ll be most happy. In the meantime, just keep doing what you're doing.”
Something about this last comment sent me to my bookshelf in search of a certain book. The late Buddhist monk and poet, Thich Nhat Hanh, had much to say on the subject of living through uncertainty, even great adversity. I reached up and pulled down his book, Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm, which then—almost as if by magic—fell open in my hands: I found myself face-to-face with the following maxim: “The present moment is where we need to operate.” I could practically hear Hanh’s voice whispering to me from the page. “Living mindfully in the present does not preclude making plans. It only means that you know there’s no use losing yourself in worries and fear concerning the future.”
That’s it, I thought. That’s how to handle “the weight of the wait.”
Have faith,
relish the present,
trust in the process…
And know that the perfect fish is swimming your way, headed straight for your fishing hook.